This is going to be one of those posts that is intended to cleanse my mind. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining - but I have to get this stuff off my chest and this is my medium for doing so.
You know how when it rains, it pours?
I am feeling exceptionally overwhelmed right now with all that I am juggling at work and at home. I'll start with work. My annual review conferences at work that are typically spread out over the whole school year are being crammed into the time before I take my maternity leave. That means that I am not only providing therapy services to almost 50 kids who are seen anywhere from 30-90 minutes per week, but I'm also holding 2-3 (sometimes 4-5) conferences with parents per week. Each of those conferences requires a minimum of 45 minutes of preparation. And if the parents don't show up, I have to reschedule them somewhere and make corrections on the paperwork so that the almighty dates line up. I'm also managing the typical caseload turnover, which includes testing and writing reports on a weekly basis. My job keeps me busy when things are on a normal schedule. Now, with my maternity leave pending, I'm working more hours per week than I have in a very long time - since I first started working and was just learning the ropes of time and caseload management. I try really hard not to bring work home because I cherish and value the time that I have with Rudy and Caleb, but lately I'm bringing a bagful of stuff home almost every night. I worked most nights over Thanksgiving break until at least midnight and still didn't get everything done that needed to be done.
Silver lining: There are 13 more days of school before Christmas break, which is 2 full weeks this year. Very few conferences remain on my schedule after Christmas. I will not be bringing any work home over Christmas break. I will be preparing my home for a baby and spending time with my family.
At home, the usual working mom things still need to be done. The laundry hasn't learned to do itself yet and though Rudy does most of our cooking, I try to pitch in and at least cook one or two meals a week. Plus, there's that little factor of my favorite 3-year-old in the world who needs a bath, a bedtime routine, some undivided attention from Mama and who makes great big messes and needs supervision for great big clean-ups.
Silver lining: I have an AMAZING husband who does more to keep our household going than most men I've ever met. He does all of our dishes, cooks most of our meals, LOVES to play with Caleb, takes care of the outside of our home, doesn't mind going to the grocery store and never gives me one second of grief about picking up the slack around here when I can't make it all come together because other things have pushed my home responsibilities to the backburner temporarily. I also have an AMAZING child who pushes every last button I have and then looks at me with those big blue eyes and says, "I love you, Mama." And then it's all okay. (I also have a pretty dang good housekeeper who comes every other week and keeps us from having to do the things that used to fill up our weekends: scrubbing toilets, vacuuming, mopping, dusting, etc.)
The third trimester of pregnancy is a roller coaster. Despite the amazing silver linings that I'll talk about in a minute, I am TIRED. I am uncomfortable. I am short of breath. I don't sleep well. I can't bend over to pick up the 5000 things a day that I drop on the floor. My mind is beginning to race about all of the things that need to be done between now and the end of January. (After all, my due date is in 2 months.) A friend at school reminded me yesterday that I need to have a plan in place for if I should have to go to the hospital during the night. What will we do with Caleb? Oh, yeah - there's something I didn't have to think about last time! Now, I'm wondering what else I've forgotten to plan for. In addition, it (unnecessarily) stresses me that Nola's room is a big heaping pile of a mess right now. I've tried to calm myself a little by just shutting the door, but it's not helping. I also know that my Christmas break is going to be jam-packed with baby preparation, which is fun but admittedly tiring. There are cabinets to be rearranged to make room for bottles, closets to be cleaned out to make room for her stuff, a nursery to be put together, clothes and supplies to be bought, baby gear to be gotten out of storage after 3 years and cleaned up to like-new condition...and the list goes on and on.
Silver lining: Nola will be here in approximately 2 months. My baby girl will make it all worthwhile.
And then there are those days like today... I got up at 5:50 after a mostly sleepless night where I laid in bed thinking of everything that I need to do before the baby comes, both at work and at home. I dropped Caleb off at daycare and got to work at 7:30. I took care of odds and ends until I saw my first therapy group at 8:00. I saw kids back-to-back until 2:30 with two 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch. I had after school duty outside until 3:10. I went out to my car to go to my OB appointment, only to see that there was a nail in one of my back tires. The tire wasn't low, so I went on to my appointment. I left the appointment, picked up Caleb from daycare (thankfully he was in a good mood!) and went straight to WalMart to get my tire fixed. That was at 4:45. We walked through the store until I couldn't listen to him asking for me to buy another thing, then walked across the street to get something to eat. We ate fast food dinner, while I looked out the window at my car - still sitting in the parking lot at WalMart, yet to be fixed. When I finally saw them pull my car into the service bay, we walked back across the street. Thirty minutes later, we left WalMart with a fixed tire, a $5 Christmas movie, a pair of gloves for Caleb and some glove clips so that maybe he won't lose this pair as quickly as he's lost the rest. We pulled in the driveway at 7:00 - almost exactly 12 hours after we pulled out - only to find that the garage door opener didn't work and the garage keypad didn't work for my side. I was thankful that the keypad worked for Rudy's side, so I went in and opened the door, pulled in and exhaled. Caleb and I came in and I got him settled to watch his nightly 30 minutes of TV while I changed clothes and shook off the remains of the day. Once I was somewhat settled, we got down the Advent sock for today, which said that we were supposed to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas. (Hallelujah!) I turned that on, sat down for a few minutes and folded some laundry. When the movie was over, I steered Caleb to put on his PJ's & brush his teeth, we said our Christmas prayer for Pepapa and Anna Joyce (from the Advent calendar!) and his nightly prayer, I tucked him in and closed the door. I finished the laundry as Caleb got out of bed 3 different times for 3 different reasons. Once I was sure he was finally down for the count - I began to process the day and, thus, started writing here. So, it's been one of those days. (By the way, Rudy had to work until almost 9:00 tonight! That's why Caleb and I were on our own through all of this.)
Silver lining: I have a job to go to in the mornings and a warm, safe place to come home to in the evenings (regardless of what time that happens). I have a nice, reliable car and I have the means to take it to get minor repairs done without having to worry about where the money will come from. I didn't have to call in absent to a second job to take care of this unexpected inconvenience, and I had pretty good company to share the adventure with - even if he does have a bad case of the gimmes when we go in a store.
AND...I forgot to mention that I tried to take a picture of the Advent calendar and the Christmas tree last night only to find out that there is a HUGE crack in the lens. I'm hoping and praying that it's just the UV filter that's broken, not the $250 lens itself. I'm taking it to Bedford's tomorrow. I swear I will cry if my actual lens is broken. I will cry real tears. I have no idea how this happened. The camera was in its padded case with the lenscap on. The case was sitting on the couch because I had uploaded some pictures Sunday night. I can only assume that either the housekeepers did it or -gasp- Caleb did it while goofing around. Either way, it was definitely an accident, so I'm not trying to place blame anywhere. But, seriously, my camera is broken. Just one more flake in an ever-growing snowball of frustration.
Silver lining: The sun will rise tomorrow. I won't take a picture of it, but the sun will rise and life will go on. And if it doesn't, I will be in a better place, where none of this matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment