Caleb Sings

Caleb loves music. He loves to bang on a drum, tap on the piano and play his Daddy's trumpet. He loves to dance, too - but mostly he loves to sing. He's been singing for a long time. Now, though, he sings real songs with real words. Sometimes the lyrics are a little questionable. Sometimes we're not really sure what in the world he's saying. He sings, "kinkle kinkle little star" often. For a long time, he sang "This Old Man" over and over at the top of his little lungs. This summer, he's really gotten into sports. Because of this new love for baseball and football, he started singing "The Baseball Song" (Take Me Out to the Ballgame) and "The Football Game Song" (The Razorback Fight Song). Just last week, he came home from school singing the ABC song. The more we listened, the more we realized just how precious his version was. We were on the phone with my parents one night and Caleb was showing off his new song. He sang his ABC and his "koo-r-s" and then came to the end of the song. Instead of "now I know my ABC's, next time won't you sing with me", Caleb sang "now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep." We all laughed and he knew he had done something great. I've tried for days to get a good video recording of Caleb singing these songs. I wanted to capture them before he grows out of the way he sings them now. This evening, we managed to record him without him knowing it. We got a good recording of ABC's and a pretty good one of the baseball song. By the time we got to the football song, he was distracted and didn't finish the song. I'll try again later. But, for now - here's the latest of Caleb's performances:

Ouch.

Last night, Caleb and I were reading books together. It's truly one of my favorite things to do. I love that he loves books. I sit in the floor in his room and he brings me book after book. We read them and talk about them for long stretches of time. I love it.

We were on book number 7 or 8 last night - a book called "The Way I Feel." It has beautiful pictures and is intended to teach about emotions. Caleb giggled at the silly picture and growled at the angry picture. When we got to the sad picture, he said, "Why he crying?" My automatic therapist's response was, "I don't know. Why do you think he's crying?" That's when my precious child said the words that crushed me, "He sad. He Mama go to work." Oh. My. Gosh. I was stunned to silence for a few moments while I tried to gather myself. My only response was, "Yes, he's sad. His mama is sad to leave him too, but Mamas always come back. Mama will always come back."

Blue Ribbons and Black Stormclouds

Let me first start by saying how grateful we are that our beloved New Orleans was spared the tragedy that it faced during Hurricane Katrina. Now let me say that I'm amazed that yet another massive hurricane is headed for the Gulf. We have family in Harlingen, TX and we're praying for their safety during Hurricane Ike.

Who knew that we'd ever feel the effects of a hurricane? We live in Arkansas...make that Northern Arkansas! But feel it we did - it rained buckets for a few days after Gustav hit the coast. We considered the construction of an ark in our backyard...just in case. The rain stopped just before we thought we were going to drown (or at least get prune-fingers) from it. Now, it's starting again. We're getting the very first outskirts of Ike and we're expected to have some pretty nasty weather as the weekend goes on.

September has been a very busy month for us so far. Rudy and I are facing the challenge of getting acclimated to our daily schedules. We come home tired at night and do our best to keep up with the typical energy level of a 2-year-old. By the time Caleb goes to bed, we're definitely ready for some downtime. I've been reading a lot lately. I've really gotten into the Twilight series. I never thought I'd like a novel series about vampires and werewolves, but this one is seriously good. I've devoured the first 3 books and I'm now starting the 4th and final one. I'm completely hooked!

The Hogs have almost caused us to need blood pressure medication already this season! Two games in and things aren't looking so good for the rest of the year. I certainly hope that I'm pleasantly surprised, but I'm not sure we can handle the SEC if we can barely beat ULM and Western Illinois! Ugh.

We started something new this week. Our neighbors, Davey and Shalini have agreed to a babysitting swap with us! We decided to watch each others' kids one night a month. They'll keep Caleb on the first Thursday night of the month and we'll keep Jakey on the second Thursday. It's just for 2 hours - but it gives us a chance to have a grown-up dinner date once a month. We started this last night. They took Caleb to the county fair and despite a little rain, they had a great time. We expected them home around 8:15. Shalini called at 8:30 and said they were just about to leave! The boys apparently had a wonderful time looking at all of the animals and riding the carousel. Caleb was exhausted by the time I got him in bed. It was well after 9:00. I crashed right after he did. Since Caleb had so much fun last night, Rudy and I decided we'd take him back to the fair tonight. We went right at 5:00, before the crowds got too heavy. The only ride he was big enough for was the carousel. He loved it! He kept saying, "Yee Haw - Ride a horse!" He also loved seeing all of the animals - including tiny little baby monkeys and a huge snake! Of course, we also went to the livestock barn to see the farm animals. That's not exactly my cup of tea, but the boys loved the cows, pigs, sheep and goats. We had "fair food" for dinner - corn dogs, nachos and lemonade for Caleb and I and a fajita wrap and nachos for Rudy. After dinner, we indulged a little more and got a bag of cotton candy. Caleb's first bite brought giggles. He loved it! He kept asking for more and then telling me he was sticky. When we came out of the livestock barn, there were very dark stormclouds in the sky. We decided it was time to head for the house. By the time we got to the car, the first raindrops were starting to fall. It was perfect timing! We got home in time to watch the Wonder Pets and get Caleb to bed almost on time. We're looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. We'll see what tomorrow brings...

A Video About Kim & Melanie

This video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Am3bEGTdRw) is about my aunt Kim and her sister Melanie's story about breast cancer. It's amazing and insipiring. Our family is so proud of the strength that they have both shown. Now, they are on a mission to spread the word about early detection and treatment of breast cancer. Powerful women.

Prayers for NOLA

Three years after Hurricane Katrina devastated a city that Rudy and I love as though it were our own, we ask you to please pray for New Orleans and her people as they prepare for another potential disaster. Our hearts are in The Big Easy tonight.

A Mother's Humility

I try not to write much about the bodily functions that come along with raising a toddler, but I'm warning you now - this story is about poop and lots of it. I had an absolutely surreal experience on Friday and it's one that I hope I never have to live through again. It all starts with the fact that Caleb has been very congested for a while now. I took him to the doctor over a week ago. She wrote a prescription for an antibiotic, but suggested that I not have it filled unless he just didn't get any better for a while. Not only did he not get better, but he got worse. Rudy decided that we needed to be aggressive and start the antibiotics. I took the prescription to Walmart on Thursday night and we started it on Friday morning. The pharmacist warned me that it might be hard on Caleb's stomach. When I picked Caleb up from school on Friday, I was pleasantly surprised to find that he hadn't had any tummy troubles at all. On the way home, he told me his "fummy" hurt. When we got home, I put him on the potty, but he couldn't go. Rudy was straightening up the house in preparation for Mom and Mr.L's arrival, so I took Caleb with me to Walmart. I needed to get some flavoring put in the antibiotic because he had spit most of it out all over the place on Friday morning. Apparently, amoxiclav tastes pretty nasty. We're standing at the pharmacy waiting on them to flavor up the meds and Caleb gets a bad look on his face. That's when I got a whiff of him and knew we had a problem. I bent down and asked him if he needed to go potty and he said yes. I did a quick bottom pat to see if I was too late and sure enough, I was. By the time we got to the bathroom, he was a total mess. I got him in the stall and pulled his pants down only to find that he had actually had diarrhea. I hadn't thought to put a pull-up on him because he's been doing so great with potty training and we were only going to be gone for a short time. His little cotton briefs and his shorts were soaked. I threw his underpants in the trash and put his shorts in a bag. I sat on my knees in the bathroom floor at Walmart trying to figure out what in the world to do. I couldn't take him out of there naked but I also couldn't put his clothes back on him. My only hope was going to be a sympathetic mother who just happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. I opened the stall door and found my angel - a Walmart associate - even better than a sympathetic mother. I explained to her that my child had gotten sick and asked her if she would please go to the baby section to get some wipes and a pair of 2T shorts. She kindly did so and brought them back to me as quickly as she could. She also called maintenance to clean up the floor. I finally got Caleb cleaned up enough to put the new shorts on him. Maintenance still hadn't gotten there, so I used the wipes to clean up the floor as much as I could. I just couldn't bear to leave the mess for some unsuspecting person to find. I took Caleb to the sink and washed out his Crocs. (Thank Heaven for the washability of Crocs!) I carried my purse, the bag with Caleb's soiled shorts, the half-used box of wipes, the tag from the new pair of shorts and Caleb to pharmacy counter. I paid for the wipes, the shorts and the flavoring in the medicine and got out of there as quickly as I could. I was completely exasperated. I called Rudy and told him that we were on our way home and gave him a brief synopsis of what had happened. Mom and Mr.L. were already here when we got home. I put Caleb straight in the bathtub, put clean clothes on him, then changed my clothes and scrubbed my arms and hands until they were almost raw. My lessons have been learned. Lesson one: when Caleb says his "fummy" hurts, don't take him anywhere until after he has used the bathroom. Lesson two: we still need pull-ups in public places. Lesson three: there is nothing more humbling than sitting on your knees, cleaning the bathroom floor at Walmart with baby wipes.

Woo Pig Sooie!

This weekend was one that Rudy and I have looked forward to for months! In addition to it being a long holiday weekend, it's finally football season! Mom and Mr. L. came up for the weekend, getting to our house on Friday afternoon. Mom and I picked up BBQ for dinner and we all enjoyed a relaxing evening at home.

On Saturday morning, Rudy and Mr. L. took Caleb to the park. Mr.L. taught Caleb how to talk through the speaker-pipes on the playground. He and Caleb would stand at one end and talk to Rudy on the other end. Apparently, Caleb's favorite thing that Pops taught him to say was, "Hey, Rudy!" While they were at the park, Mom and I went to a store to get some things for Pepapa's upcoming birthday party. When we got back, everyone had lunch and then Caleb and Mr. L. took their afternoon naps.

Around 2:00, Rudy and I got ready to go to the football game. Mom and Mr.L. stayed with Caleb and they had a great time. They went to the Promenade, where Caleb pulled Mr.L. directly into the Build-a-Bear store. They played at the fountain and the playground and then went to Mad Pizza for dinner. After dinner, they went over to Chick-Fil-A for a milkshake and some more playtime. When they got home, they played "baseball game" in the backyard until it was time for Caleb to go to sleep. I was surprised to find Mom and Mr.L. still awake when Rudy and I got home from the ballgame. :)

And on that note...the ballgame almost gave me a stroke. We went to the Alumni house before the game and had a great time people-watching despite the fact that I'm fighting a nasty cold. We ate dinner with Chad and Ronni and then headed over to the stadium. There is always such energy in the air before a Razorback game and I got the chills a few times just from the excitement. This year has a different feel to it - lots of expectation from having a new coach but lots of uneasiness about having such a young team. We lost a lot of key players last year, so the change makes everyone a little anxious. The game was a rollercoaster of emotion. We almost lost to Western Illinois, but managed to win in the end. I am expecting a long, hard football season.

Sesame Street and Butterflies

We went to Ft. Smith last weekend to see Sesame Street Live. We left home as quickly as possible on Friday and headed straight for Ft. Smith. We met Jan and Grandma Voise for dinner at Varsity and then we all went to the show. In the way that only Caleb can, he took it all in. I honestly expected him to laugh, giggle, dance and sing all the way through. I should have known better. He sat in my lap and in Jan's and watched with wide eyes until it was almost over. He talked a little bit to the characters and pointed out some things to us and then eventually started to move to the music a little bit, but it took some encouraging. When it was over, he talked about it a lot and we got a note from his teacher on Monday saying that he talked about Elmo and Cookie Monster all day.

Apparently, this is the time of year for butterflies. At the entrance to our neighborhood, there are some bushes that are absolutely teeming with beautiful butterflies. We usually take a walk to see them in the evenings. Caleb has learned that when they aren't out and flying around, that means they are sleeping. He likes to shake the bushes to wake them up! He also knows now that bumblebees are "ouchy bugs" and we're not supposed to touch them. Let's just hope that he takes my word on that and doesn't try it out for himself. Taking him for that short walk in the evenings to experience one of God's most beautiful creatures is such a blessing that I enjoy thoroughly. I'll miss the butterflies when they are gone and I plan to plant some things next year to attract them to our house.

An Update on School

In 53 minutes, it will be September 2008. That is just so hard for me to believe. In so many ways, life feels like it is in fast-forward. In light of that, I have some catching up to do...

School is in full-swing. As he did last year, Rudy loves his job. He is fulfilled by the challenge of teaching the fundamentals of playing music to middle school students. He loves to teach them to play their instruments successfully and seems to be excited about some of the promise that he sees in his students this year. He also loves that he is home by 4:00 most days and that we have our weekends as a family. I concur.

The beginning of school has been a natural challenge for me. Any job change promises a learning curve and this one has held true to that promise. I'm getting the hang of it, but have spent lots of hours getting things in working order and trying to figure out just what I need to work on with my 52 new shining faces. I have to say, though - my school is wonderful. I never dreamed that I would enjoy working in an elementary school. The staff is so cohesive, the principal is so supportive and the school climate is amazing. Even though the idea of teaching "r" and working on lisps isn't too enticing, I'm encouraged and inspired by the people around me.

Caleb is doing very well at his daycare. He calls it "my cool." We hit a bumpy patch the week of the 18th, when the kids were transitioned to the new age groups. Ms. Elizabeth and Ms. Janell were moved out of Caleb's class and we were faced with yet another transition to new teachers. Initially, we weren't all that impressed with the change. We weren't getting the consistent feedback that we had quickly become accustomed to and we even had a few negative interactions that primarily centered around Caleb's potty-training. I waited it out for a week, then grabbed an opportunity to talk to the asst. director. She was exceptionally apologetic and promised me that she would make sure that the problem was addressed with the staff. Last week was a complete turn-around. We got wonderful feedback from the staff all week - even the day that Caleb had 2 accidents and ran out of clean clothes! One of the teachers commented that Caleb was a good listener and both teachers told Rudy how musically inclined Caleb seems to be. I don't want to make this seem like I was complaining because nobody was bragging on my child. That's not the case at all. I just need feedback of some sort. It's extremely difficult to leave Caleb with other people every day. I need to know when I pick him up whether or not he's had a good day and I like to hear if there are things we need to address at home. I feel like we're getting that now and I'm very pleased.

Littlest League

As I was putting away laundry this evening, something caught my eye out the window...

I am the most blessed woman on the planet.

It's here...whether we're ready or not.

School starts tomorrow. Actual children will be filling the actual seats in the actual classrooms. Wow. Where did the summer go? As I write this, Caleb is sleeping and Rudy is ironing his clothes for tomorrow. I still haven't picked out my clothes and will likely wait until morning to do so. I have to be there at 7:00, though - so I may need to rethink that idea.

Last week flew by. Caleb did GREAT at daycare. He even had two accident-free days. Rudy and I had a variety of in-service days to attend. He had 3 nights of obligations and I had one. On Thursday night, we were both required to be at work stuff, so Caleb spent a couple of hours with our neighbors (Thanks, Shalini!) and reportedly was well-behaved.

Rudy took Caleb over to Grandma Voise's house on Friday night because I was supposed to have a crop night. That ended up falling apart, but I enjoyed the couple of hours of quiet anyway. Yesterday was great - we stayed home without any obligations. Rudy mowed the yard and I stayed in my PJ's until almost 4:00! We had a great dinner, thanks to Chef Rudy, and then went out for ice cream.

I haven't felt so hot today, so Rudy has taken the lead with Caleb. We went to dinner at the Harpers' house tonight with all of the Fayetteville band staff. I'm feeling better tonight and hoping to be 100% tomorrow.

Caleb's first full week back at daycare sent him full-force into learning mode. He has made huge strides this week in his language. Thursday night, there was a big thunderstorm that scared Caleb during the night. I went to get him from his bed and he said, "I wake up. What that?" I told him it was a thunderstorm, so he could sleep with me. He gladly climbed in bed with me and then at the next clap of thunder, he said, "No thunderstorm! No scare Caleb!" Yesterday, we were cleaning up his dinosaurs in the living room and he started counting them. He usually says "1-2-1-2", but yesterday he said, "1-2-4-5-6-7-8-9!" I'm not sure what happened to "three", but I was blown away by the other numbers, so I didn't worry too much about it! At lunch yesterday, he told me his peanut butter sandwich was "de-dishous" (delicious), which sent me into a fit of laughter! He has also recently started to sing along with us to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (AKA: baseball game song) and the Razorback fight song (AKA: football game song). I'm trying to get a video of it because it's so funny, but so far I haven't had any luck. According to Caleb, the baseball lyrics go something like this:
"Take me out to ballgame, take me out to ballgame, buy peanuts cacka jacks, ah ah ah ah get back, Woot woo woo for Tardnals (Cardinals), no win it shame, 1-2-1-2 out at the ballgame."

He needs a little more help with the fight song, but yesterday we heard him singing to himself, "hit wine, hit wine, going going, Go Bee-duh-bats (Razorbacks)!"

Big plans for next weekend: We're going to see Sesame Street Live in Fort Smith! Of course, Caleb doesn't really know what that means yet. I showed him the picture in the newspaper of the characters, though and told him that we're going to meet Elmo. He said, "yeah." Yesterday, he was talking to LaLa on the phone and I told him to tell her who we were going to see. He looked at me like I was crazy, so I handed him the picture and he started trying to tell her the characters' names so fast that he actually started to stutter. He couldn't even get the words out because he was so excited. Mom and I both commented that it's the first time we've ever seen him have trouble getting his words out because his brain was working faster than his mouth could produce the words. He eventually named them all: Elmo, JoJo (Grover), Big Bird, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Baby Bear, etc. Next Friday will be a BIG event in his little 2-year-old life. The only thing that would amaze him more would be meeting the Wonder Pets!

Arms Down, Head Back...

Several years ago, Rudy and I discovered a fabulous amusement park called Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio. We have been twice and ridden some brain-rocking roller coasters. The Top Thrill Dragster was introduced in 2003. We stood in line for 2 1/2 hours to ride it. We got on and it broke down. I panicked and got off. Rudy stayed on and rode. Looking back, I'm jealous that I didn't do it too and if I ever get the chance again, I'm going to be right beside him - screaming my head off. The Dragster starts off by shooting you forward at 120 mph in 4 seconds. Because of the ridiculously fast start, there is a recording at the beginning that says, "arms down, head back." (There are rumors that the test dummies heads' snapped off because they weren't secured to the seatbacks.) That is how I always feel at the beginning of the school year. I'm going from 0 - 120 in 4 seconds and if I'm not seated firmly in my chair, my neck could snap. So, I sit here on the day before all of the teachers (new and old) report for work and I'm making sure that my arms are down and my head is back. Here we go again...

Caleb's New School

Caleb started his new school on Wednesday, August 6th. I dropped him off at 8:00 in the morning. He was excited all the way there, saying, "My kool, my kool, new friends" over and over. When we walked in, he was fine. When I tried to walk out, he was not. He cried and cried and sobbed. Mrs. Elizabeth held him and let him watch out the window while I went to the car. I could hear him crying all the way there. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I went to Wal Mart to get groceries and a guilt-toy for Caleb. I walked through the store in a daze. I remember talking to mom and looking for the 1% milk, but the rest of the trip was a completely surreal experience. When I got in the car, I called the school. The receptionist told me that she had just been in the room and that Caleb was doing fine and playing well with the other children. I felt 1000 times better and decided to go shopping for some back-to-school clothes. When I picked Caleb up at 4:00, he was excited to see me, but I could tell that he was comfortable in his new spot. Mrs. Elizabeth told me that he was a good boy and did very well on his first day. He even managed to go all day without an accident! As we were leaving, he looked out at the front lawn of the church and told me "I run outside and play with friends." I was content.

I just knew Thursday morning would be better. After all - he enjoyed himself on Wednesday AND they had a field trip to the drive-through safari planned. We talked all about it and he agreed that he wouldn't be sad because Mama would be back to pick him up in the afternoon. Well, change of plans. When we got there, I found out that if we get there before 7:30, he has to go to a different room until his teacher gets there. This was a whole different ballgame for Caleb and he cried all over again. I had to leave to go to my new teacher meeting, so I (again) left there in a daze and cried all the way to the car. As I was sitting in my meetings, I heard thunder. I immediately wondered if they would go ahead with the field trip, but trusted that they would make the right decision. Shortly after that, my phone rang. It was someone from the daycare calling to say that the field trip had been amended and they were going to Fun City. I knew Caleb would love that, but that he would be disappointed to not get to see the animals. When I picked him up on Thursday afternoon, Mrs. Elizabeth couldn't wait to tell me that Caleb had made a friend. Apparently, while at Fun City, Caleb paired up with a little girl named Adelaide. They walked all over Fun City holding hands and played together the whole time. When they got back, Mrs. Elizabeth asked all of the kids what their favorite part was. Adelaide said, "Caleb." Caleb said, "Slides."

On Friday, I dropped him off while the other kids were eating breakfast. Caleb sat down in his chair and started to eat, but as I left, he jumped up and said, "Wait for me!" I wanted to melt right there. Fortunately, Mrs. Elizabeth picked him up and distracted him while I left. The tears were a little better that day. When I picked him up that afternoon, he excitedly told me about their splash day outside. Mrs. Elizabeth told me that he had had an accident that day - his first since starting there, but that it wasn't a big deal. He has really loved getting to stand up at the potty since they have short potties that he can reach. Apparently, he needed to poop at lunchtime and he just didn't tell anyone. She said that he kept getting up from his chair, but he never said anything. He really has been proud of himself for having dry pants at school and we've only had one accident at home all week. I call that success!

This morning, we went to church where Caleb goes to school. I think that was a little confusing for him, but he did fine in the nursery. He cried a little when we left, but was standing at the window with his backpack when we came to get him. He said he had fun.

I'm pleased with the child care facility. I don't like that I have to take him. I don't like that he has to go to daycare. I'd rather be at home with him, but that's not possible for us. That's not even an option, so I feel like we have a safe, clean and loving environment for him and that's the best we can do. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning or any morning after that, but I know that someday I'm going to drop him off and he's not going to cry. I know that someday it won't be daycare, it'll be kindergarten and then middle school and then high school. Someday I'll be dropping him off at college and I'll look back and wish that he wanted me there like he wants me at daycare. For now, I just relish the afternoon hugs and the excited look on his face when he sees me in the window, drops what he's doing and runs to me yelling, "Mama, My Mama!"

Dewey

While we were in Hot Springs, my Memmie called and said that they wanted to come up and see us. My cousin Hannah was at their house and wanted to come up to visit. They decided to come up on Monday and spend the night. When we got home from Hot Springs, I straightened up the house and got things ready for visitors. Memmie, Poppie and Hannah got to our house on Monday afternoon and we enjoyed visiting with them on Monday night and Tuesday morning. We went out to dinner at Mimi's Cafe on Monday night and then came home to play with Caleb and visit. While we were talking, I casually suggested that Hannah could take Dewey home with her. I was half-kidding. The more we thought about it, though - it made complete sense. Hannah has always had pets. The Hatch family has had dogs (and other various animals) all her life. Now, she is moving back to Kentucky to get married. She has a condo with a courtyard and has all the time in the world to pay attention to a neurotic 8-year-old beagle. After I suggested it, we talked about it a little more and she called her fiance to get his opinion. Chris was apparently in agreement with it. I told her to think about it and let me know. On Tuesday morning, she agreed to take him, so I packed up all of his stuff, gave her the name of his vet's office and said goodbye to Dewey.

Rudy and I got Dewey when he was 6 weeks old. He was absolutely adorable. He had that one blue eye and one brown eye and the ear that (according to Rudy's Mamaw) had been dipped in Purex. He was the center of our attention for a long time. He was Rudy's dad's best friend (we even put a picture of him in Jess' casket when he died). Dewey became more human than canine and then as he got older, he got more and more neurotic. We have sometimes laughed that he became more feline than canine. Dewey was a lap dog, terrified of thunderstorms and fireworks. He was the dog that just couldn't help but lick you - even when he knew he wasn't supposed to. When we moved to St. Louis, we got Lucy as a companion for Dewey. Dewey outlasted her and all of her maladies. When Caleb came along, Dewey naturally took a backseat. As Caleb has gotten older and more mobile, Dewey has become less patient with him. He's never been aggressive with him, but was obviously irritated by his mere presence. As our lifestyle changed, we had less time for Dewey and it was costing us more to board him every time we traveled. We were finding that we had to rearrange our plans to come home and let him out more and more often. And with the purchase of our new house came a higher level of frustration for me about cleaning up his hair and making sure that the house didn't smell like a dog lived here.

We love Dewey, but it was time for him to find a new home where he has the attention that he needs. He will forever have a big place in our hearts. We wish him (and Hannah) well in Kentucky...

Hot Springs (8/1-8/3)

Sitting at dinner on Thursday, 7/31, I mentioned to Rudy that I'd like to go to Hot Springs for the weekend. We scrambled into gear, called Mom and made quick plans for a trip south. On Friday, Caleb and I picked up Rudy in Fayetteville and headed for Hot Springs. After stopping in Ft. Smith to drop off Dewey at Jan's, we pulled into Mom's driveway at 5:15. By 5:30, Rudy had the car unloaded and was on his way to Fordyce to help the other guys working at deer camp. Caleb, Mom and I had a great weekend. We went to dinner at KJ's, then went out to visit with Pepapa and Anna Joyce. On Saturday, we went over to see Jimmy and Kim at their new condo. Caleb loved the fact that it was empty because it echoed. He made all kinds of noise in there. I finally had to take him outside in the 100 degree heat - he was making everyone crazy! After we left there, we grabbed lunch at McAlister's and then headed home for Caleb's nap. Later that evening, we went over and swam at Aunt Harolyn's house even though they weren't home. Sunday morning, the boys came home and we hung out at the house until it was time to hit the road for home. We stopped briefly in Ft. Smith to pick up Dewey and say hi to Jan and then headed for the house. We were all exhausted, but it was a really fun weekend.

Feeling Reflective

I've had these thoughts bouncing around in my head for a couple of weeks now and I'm finally at the point where I can't figure out what to do with them but get them out, so bear with me. This post isn't about Caleb or our family - it's about me and my heart.

Self-esteem doesn't come easily for me. I battle "am I good enough" and "did I do that right" and "I can't believe I said that" and the ever-present "should (or shouldn't) haves." My mind runs in circles from what I know in my heart and what my head seems to endlessly whisper. What I know is this: God made me who I am and He has bigger plans for me than I could ever imagine. I am well aware that I am not in charge - no matter how hard that is for me to accept.

In the do-it-all world that I find myself in, there is so much pressure to think the right things, say the right things, look the right way, be polished without seeming like it took any effort at all, be socially and professionally successful without giving up a moment of family and (I keep hearing this over and over) be true to yourself. Is all of that possible? Is it even realistic? In my constant desire to appease others and myself, I use too much energy trying.

The pressure of my religious background is sometimes overwhelming. I never feel like I can live up to the expectations. There are just some Sundays when we want to stay in our pajamas as a family and worship God individually for allowing us to be together for a few quiet hours. And then the guilt sets in. The should-haves creep into my mind. As I approach 32 years on this earth, I am learning that religion means something different to me. It doesn't mean pews and hymnals - though those things evoke deep feelings for me. It doesn't mean Sunday School, my name embossed on a leather Bible or an altar call. It means something much more personal to me these days and I'm learning to accept that despite my history and despite what others might think.

This summer, I have experienced the "mommy wars" firsthand. Actually, I've experienced them internally. I've made some new friends who stay at home with their children and I often envy them. Though I know that we are not in a financial position for me to stay at home with Caleb, my heart wishes for that opportunity. I'm sure the grass would be greener on either side of that fence, but I would be remiss not to recognize my desire to be with my child as he experiences the daily adventures of toddlerhood. He is growing so fast and before I know it, he'll be so independent. While I look forward to those days, I (like most mothers) hold his little pudgy hands tightly sometimes - just to try to hold on to what we have for right now.

And so the battle continues for a thirty-something suburban wife and mother who seeks God in the details while trying to be professional, personal and committed to the better good. I will never be the girl with the perfect figure or just the right outfit. I'll never be the one who can wear a white shirt without staining the front. I may never figure out the perfect balance between wife, mother, employee and self. I'll probably always indulge too much and laugh too loud. It's likely that I'll be the one to say something awkward or do something that lingers in my mind too long. But that's who I am. I have a husband who is patient and loving and somehow sees through my flaws. I have a child who lights my world with his smiles, melts my heart with his affection and challenges me every day. My family loves me, cheers for me when I succeed and cries for me when I stumble. I have been graced with friends who make me laugh and know that I am dependable when they are in the mood for a laugh or a cry. I feel like I'm on a good spiritual path, my life balance is improving and my heart is in the right place. Sometimes I make mistakes, but I usually learn from them. Though they sometimes linger in my "shouldn't have" file for too long, I have survived them all. Now I have to learn to stop doubting myself and be still.

Tulsa, Branson and the rest of July

Our trip to Tulsa a couple of weeks ago was just as fun as I expected it to be. Les and the kids and I piled into the car on Wednesday morning and headed for Cindy's house. When we got there, we filled up everyone's tummies and headed out for the zoo. It was insanely hot, but all 4 kids were troopers. Their moms were a little weary by the end of the day, but we sure enjoyed being together. We always do. Cindy stopped in the middle of the zoo trip and said, "We never imagined this when we became friends so long ago." She's right - but sometimes what we don't imagine is the best part of all.

The next day was my "day off." I took care of a couple of doctor appointments and some other errands (like paying for my car tags!). While I was out, I stopped at 2 different child care facilities to try to find a new place for Caleb. I can honestly say that I was on the verge of freaking out. My principal got back to me when she got back to work and said that we could work something out but that I would need to be there on the days that I have 7:30 meetings. Well...if I could work something out on those days, then I'd probably be able to work something out every day, so I was back to square one. I was faced with starting school in less than a month and had nothing secured for Caleb. Both places that I went on Thursday were great. One was quite a bit out of our price range, but I was willing to do whatever I needed to do - even if temporarily to get a place for him. The other one was within our financial means and very close to my new school. The only problem was the waiting list. The person that I talked to told me that I would have to wait a few days to find out if there would be room for Caleb. As usual, God granted me a peace about it that helped me to understand that everything would be okay. I called back on Monday and found out that they were willing to work with us to get Caleb into a class. They only had room for him in the 2 1/2 -3 year room, but I think he'll be fine. He'll be 2 1/2 in a couple of months. The only reservation is the potty training issue - but my hope is that being with the older kids will be an incentive for him. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but I'm going with it. So - Caleb will be at Central Methodist Church every day next year. He'll be in the MONKEY room...so appropriate.

After I did all of my running around, I met Stacy at SSD for some serious scrapbooking. We even went to her house after they closed and worked some more.

While I was at Stacy's, Rudy took Caleb to the Naturals baseball game. Caleb has developed a fascination with baseball these days. He likes to watch it on TV, but his favorite thing in the world is to play with the inflatable tee ball set that he got for his birthday. He whacks the tee, which makes the ball fall to the ground, then he throws his bat and takes off running in circles around the yard. We hear, "Play baseball game?" at least 25 times a day! Rudy told him that they were going to the baseball game on Thursday and he was ecstatic. When they stopped for dinner first, Caleb went into hysterics because that wasn't his plan. Once they got to the park, he was in Heaven. Rudy said he talked about baseball the whole time: Hit ball? Throw ball? Run, baseball! He loves to yell, "Go baseball game!" During the game, there was a big collision at home plate and Caleb got scared. Rudy said that everyone around them knew who Caleb was by the end of the game. Apparently, he asked to go to the bathroom after every other inning. Daddy didn't get to see much of the game, but he loved taking his little boy to the ballpark. On the way home, Caleb was quiet for a while before he said, "Daddy, I like baseball game."

On Saturday night (7/19), Ms. Kelly came to stay with Caleb while Rudy and I went to Les and Nick's New Orleans party. I think it was good for us to have some time out without the munchkin. Caleb was excited to see Ms. Kelly, but had a hard time with us leaving. Being together all summer has made for a touch of separation anxiety.

On Monday (7/21), we had our postponed playdate with Cayden and Jenn Quinalty. The boys had a great time playing at the pool. It was so hot that Jenn and I even got in the water with them.

Rudy has been struggling a lot lately with back and neck pain. He spent a lot of time the past couple of weeks in bed with some pretty strong painkillers. Now, though, the pain seems to have subsided. We're really praying that it doesn't come back!

On Tuesday (7/22), Rudy took Caleb to Ft. Smith to see Jan and Chris. Chris was home from school in Boston and it was Jan's birthday, so they spent the night. It worked out great because I spent the whole day cleaning and preparing to host bunco at our house that night. The boys had a great time in Ft. Smith and it was a blessing because Jan was able to take care of Caleb while Rudy's back was still hurting. It was so strange being here Tuesday night without my boys. After everyone left from bunco, the house was so quiet - too quiet, though I never thought I'd say that.

We packed up and left for our final getaway of the summer on Thursday. Jan treated us all to a long weekend at a condo in Branson. We drove up there Thursday afternoon and met Jan and Chris. Rudy made BBQ to take with us and we enjoyed that when we got there. After dinner, we went to the pool, where Caleb played in the water until he could hardly keep his eyes open. We went to Silver Dollar City on Friday. It was 1000 degrees hot on the blacktop, but we managed with the help of a lot of lemonade! Caleb loved his first amusement park trip. He wanted to ride everything! Unfortunately, there were only a couple of things he could ride, but he took full advantage of those. All of the adults took turns riding with him on the bug ride that went "up in the sky" and on the frog ride that went "ribbit." We also rode the train. Of course, with it being SDC, the train ride involves a fake train robbery by some hillbillies. Caleb did not like that the train stopped for that little show. He kept saying, "no no train!" to the actors. Chris, Rudy and I managed to sneak in a few big kid rides too since Jan was there to watch Caleb while we rode the coasters!

On Saturday, we had the added treat of going over to meet some of our friends from our STL neighborhood at their condo. The Browns just happened to be in town at the same time as us, so they invited us over to swim at their (very nice) pool. We stayed for 2 hours, catching up with our old friends, marveling at how much the kids have grown and enjoying the summer day. On Saturday afternoon, Rudy and Jan went shopping while Caleb and I took a nap. After naptime, we went out to dinner and then took Caleb to a place on the strip called Kids Kountry. Jan remembered it from when Chris was a little kid. I was slightly nervous about putting Caleb on the rickety old rides by himself, but he loved it! He rode the swings, the bunny rabbits, the mini ferris wheel and the tea cups. A storm came up just as it was time for us to go home, so we headed back to the condo. We enjoyed playing our marble game (Chris and I won 2 out of 3 games!) for the rest of the evening.

This morning, we packed up and headed for home. I've been fighting some stomach crud all day and Rudy and Caleb have been recuperating from the weekend. Rudy took Caleb over to Grandma Voises' house this evening to give me some quiet and rest. I took full advantage of it and managed to get our pictures posted from the trip. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better tomorrow. It's my last mom's day off for the summer. Rudy starts back to work on Tuesday, so Caleb and I are on our own for the remaining week and a half of our break. I can't believe it's almost over.

The Sweetest Words

For a long time, Caleb has been telling us that he loves us. His sweet little "Wud oo" is enough to make me melt. However, we've only heard it when he was prompted to say it. Yesterday, my whole being melted into a puddle when my little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, sweet-cheeked child spontaneously came up to me and gave me a hug, then said, "I wud oo, Mama." No words have ever sounded so sweet.

Mid-July Already!?!

Can it really be July 15th? It seems like we just got out of school! Now we're officially on the downhill slide to going back to work. Band starts for Rudy on the 29th and I have to be at a meeting on August 7th, then full time starting on the 11th. All good things must come to an end, but until they do - we're enjoying every day that we have!

Like I said in my last post, Caleb and I went to Memmie and Poppie's on Wednesday (7/9). We drove down in the rain and Caleb never went to sleep. We never left the house once we got there. Caleb played and entertained us all. We didn't need to go anywhere! We packed up and left left for Hot Springs on Thursday morning after enjoying our visit completely.

Caleb didn't sleep on the way to Hot Springs, either. I did manage to get him to nap as soon as we got to Mom's though. He slept, I showered and we were ready for action when Mom got home. Caleb was so excited to see LaLa! He woke up and said, "Where LaLa go?" We went to KJ's for an early dinner and then went over to visit with Pepapa and Anna Joyce. Caleb helped Pepapa feed the ducks and fish a loaf of bread. When we asked him what he gave them, he said, "Toast." While we were there, he showed off all of his "tricks." He did his happy/sad/mean/surprised faces, helped me sing the "baseball game song" (Take Me Out to the Ballgame), helped me sing the "football game song" (Razorback fight song - he does the RAH RAHs), danced and answered a variety of questions with cute answers. We went home and put the little showman to bed.

Mom very graciously let me sleep in on Friday and took care of Caleb most of the morning. We hung out at the house and then ran a couple of errands. Caleb pulled his funniest trick yet on Friday when he was supposed to be napping. I put him down for his nap in his pack & play, which happened to be pushed up against the side of the bed. Somehow, Caleb managed to climb onto the bed and threw all of the contents of his suitcase into his pack & play. That wasn't quite enough, so he cleaned out the cabinet that Mom keeps all of his toys in. All of the toys went into the pack & play also. He did all of this so quietly. I heard a sound every now and then, but thought it was the construction going on next door. It wasn't until I heard the doorknob rattling that I knew he was out of his bed. I went to the door, not quite knowing what to expect when I opened it. There he was, standing beside his bed with a huge grin on his face. He looked at me and said, "I wake up." I couldn't even hide my laughter. It was absolutely hilarious. Mom had gone out to take care of some things and I just left it all like it was. I knew she wouldn't believe it if she didn't see it. So - Caleb managed to skip another nap. He did sleep a little bit in the car during our errands.

Mr. L. got home from his conference on Friday night. He grilled burgers for us and got a rundown of all of Caleb's latest advancements. Those two are quite a pair! As soon as Pops shows up, Caleb becomes his shadow.

On Saturday, Mr. L. had some work to do on the boat dock. Caleb kept up with him every step of the way. He loved sitting on the boat while Pops worked on the lift motor. It did completely wear him out, though. He took a good long nap after lunch. When he woke up, we headed straight for the boat. As usual, Caleb loved riding on the boat. We went over to Harolyn and Brad's where Caleb and Pops played in the pool while we all caught up. After our boat ride home, Mr L went to get pizza.

Caleb and I headed for home on Sunday. I didn't think he was going to sleep at all until he fell asleep at about Mountainburg. He managed to get about a 45 minute nap. We were both glad to see Rudy when we got home and he was glad see us too! We went to dinner at Las Fajitas and came home to crash in the bed!

On Monday, Caleb and I went to Gymboree and then came home for lunch and nap. Rudy woke up with a "crick" in his neck that kept getting worse and worse. He ended up in such severe pain that he took a pain pill and went to bed. While both of them were sleeping, I ran an errand and by the time I got back, Rudy was literally yelling in his sleep. Bless his heart, he was in so much pain! He went to bed pretty early and woke up feeling a little better today.

We were supposed to have a play date with Caleb's friend Cayden and my friend (Cayden's mom) Jennifer on Monday. Jenn called at about 3:00 and said that Cayden woke up from his nap feeling awful and they wouldn't be able to come. I called our neighbor Shalini and she brought Jakey over to play instead. The two boys splashed around each other in the pool and played on the swingset for a while. We came in for dinner and played some more until bedtime. I guess all of that fun got to Caleb, because he woke up during the night and kept my sleep pretty limited all night long.

Rudy took Caleb with him this morning to take run some errands and get breakfast. I slept in to make up for my missed sleep and got up just as they got home.

I'm not sure what I'm going to end up doing about Caleb's daycare for fall. I thought we had it all figured out and we even registered him for His House at the Nazarene church nearby. Then I found out that they don't open until 7:15 and I have to be at work at 7:30! I'm in a bit of a panic. I got the name of a lady who keeps kids in her home and we went to meet her today. Let's just say that I'm still in a panic. Caleb will NOT be going to Ms. Karen's house. First of all, the front door was wide open when we got there and there wasn't anyone in sight. We went to the backyard where the kids were playing. It was filthy. There were lots of toys and lots of kids, but everything was overgrown and completely dirty. I (for some reason) overlooked that and asked all of the questions that I needed to ask. Once we finally went inside and looked around, I was feeling very uneasy about it. The house wasn't child-proofed at all. My mind was made up when the lady indicated that she would prefer that Caleb wear pull-ups than underwear because she has new carpet. Nope. As I was getting ready to leave and Rudy was putting Caleb in the car, she said that she wasn't sure why I was so worried. After all, she's been keeping kids for 30 years and she had never met anyone who asked so many questions. What she doesn't seem to understand is that she may have been keeping kids for 30 years, but I've only been a mother for just over 2 years. It is hard enough for me to leave my child with a stranger during the day. I am most certainly going to ask all the questions I want. I might even ask them twice and that's my right as her potential consumer. When I got in the car, Rudy and I immediately agreed that there was no way we would feel comfortable leaving Caleb there. What really burned me up was that when we got home, there was a message on my answering machine from her. She said that she just didn't feel like it would be a good fit. She assured me that I was adorable and that Caleb was adorable, but that she just didn't think that she could provide what we needed. It was all I could do not to call her up and tell her that she could not be more right. She most definitely could not provide what we needed. So - now we're back in a bind. I'm waiting to hear from my principal as to whether or not we can work out some way for me to keep Caleb in the church setting where he's registered. If not, I'm back in the hunt for childcare.

On a happier note - Caleb and I are going to Tulsa tomorrow with Leslie and her kids. We're meeting Cindy and Haven and going to the zoo! It will be so much fun!!!

Vacation and some other stuff

I should've known that when Caleb started out the week by taking off his diaper at naptime and wetting all over his bed - we were in for quite a week. He repeated the same thing on Wednesday! In general, we kept our normal daily routine for the week. Our evenings were a little different, though. I had a Children's Museum meeting on Tuesday night and we all took Grandma out to dinner on Wednesday night. On Thursday, I got a pretty significant haircut. Friday night, we went over to Grandma's for her birthday dinner with her, Jan, Kathy, Dan and Heather.

On Saturday, we went to pick up my new car! It's a beautiful cranberry-colored GMC Acadia. I absolutely love it!!!! After that, Jan watched Caleb while Rudy and I went to a friend's wedding.

Sunday was a full day of laundry and packing for vacation. We left on Monday after I took Caleb to Gymboree. It was great to travel in the new car. We had plenty of room and the built-in DVD system was such a relief. We got to Jerry and Sherry's house in Florissant just in time for dinner. After that, we visited and got caught up on everyone's lives. Since Caleb didn't sleep at all on the way there, he all but passed out when he hit the pillow!

Tuesday morning, we got up and took Caleb to the zoo. This was the first time he was actually able to enjoy the zoo. He knows the names of a lot of the animals and loved seeing them. We went to the petting zoo, watched part of the sea lion show, rode the train and rode the carousel while we were there. The best part was seeing the brand new baby giraffe. Even Caleb got excited. He looked at her and said, "Ooh, a BABY giraffe!" It was pretty cute. We thought Caleb would love the new animatronic dinosaur exhibit at the zoo, so we shelled out $9 for tickets. He is very much into dinosaurs these days and I just knew he'd would be amazed at the exhibit. He covered his eyes as soon as he saw the first one and didn't uncover them until we were all the way through the exhibit! He was scared to pieces!

After the zoo, we went back to the house for a little while to rest and get ready for dinner. We met about 25 of our friends at our old hangout, El Nopal. It was so great to see everyone. We didn't get to visit like we wanted to, but it was just good to be in the same room with all of them. I told Rudy that it was actually a little overwhelming to me that so many people cared enough to come see us after us being gone for a year. He agreed.

On Wednesday, we met Michael for lunch b/c he couldn't come to the dinner on Tuesday night. It was so great to catch up with him. After lunch, we went to Babies R Us, since we don't have one of those here. We went back to the house for Caleb's nap and to rest a little before Rudy, Caleb, Rebecca and I picked up Jerry at work and met Sherry at Cunetto's for dinner. After a typically fantastic meal, they took Caleb home with them so that Rudy and I could go out by ourselves. What a treat!

The rest of the family came in on Thursday around lunchtime. We enjoyed seeing them and the kids immediately started playing together. Sherry prepared a wonderful lunch/dinner for us as always. Shortly after our meal, most of us got ready to go to the Cardinals game. Sherry, Sandy and Rebecca stayed home with Caleb. Rudy, Jerry, Tom, Jimmy, Larry, Ana, Mary, Alexander, Anthony and I went to the game. We had a good time, despite the rain delay and the Cardinals' loss.

On Friday, we stayed at home until it was time for us to go down to the Arch for the fireworks. We found a spot where the kids could go down to the pond and feed the ducks. It was very different this year at the Arch. Because the river is up so high, the concert was moved way off of the Arch grounds and there was no music, no vendors and no port-a-potties. I wasn't too upset about the vendors, but the lack of potties was a problem! Hopefully, things will be back to normal next year. The fireworks were spectacular as always. Caleb, on the other hand, didn't see a single one. All afternoon, he asked about the fireworks, talked about the fireworks and kept looking for the fireworks. As soon as the first one popped in the sky, he covered his eyes and didn't remove them until he thought they were all done. There was a fake finale and it was quiet for just a few moments. Caleb moved his hands away from his eyes and I asked him, "Did you like the fireworks?" He grinned and said, "Yeah!"...and then they started again and his hands flew back onto his eyes. When they stopped for the last time, he wouldn't stop talking about the fireworks. He asked, "Where fireworks go?" and said, "Sha Sha watched fireworks." We all just went along with it. No one had the heart to tell him that he missed the whole show because his hands were covering his eyes. Now, he's still talking about the fireworks that Sha Sha watched and occasionally telling us that they went BOOM BOOM! I think it's pretty funny.

I wasn't feeling too hot all day on the 4th, but managed to make it through the fireworks and the insane traffic afterwards. I held off getting really sick until we got home. It was a LONG night for me and I wasn't feeling much better the next morning either. However - it was time to make the trek home, so I sucked it up and got in the car. We managed to make it home safe and sound. Caleb was glad to get home to his toys and his bed and Rudy and I were glad to be back in our home. We enjoyed our trip tremendously and we are very grateful to Jerry, Sherry and Rebecca for their hospitality and for allowing us to live with them for a few days - but there is just something about getting home that can't be beat.

On Sunday (7/6), Rudy started his week-long stint at Jr. High band camp at the U of A. He's loving it and is planning on going back next year. I can't imagine loving being with Jr. High kids, but he's really enjoying the experience. Caleb and I spent Sunday being lazy. I still wasn't feeling well, so I napped when he napped and managed to get in a shower towards the end of the day. He was pretty tired too, so he did a lot of laying around and asked to "watch tee-wee" several times. I think that was God's way of helping me out. I'm not sure what I would've done if Caleb had been in one of his moods on Sunday! Monday wasn't much different. We were lazy in the morning and then napped after lunch. I did get a shower and go to the post office and to pick up Dewey from the kennel. Caleb was so excited about going to "get mail" and going to "see Dewey's doctor." I think he was just glad to get out of the house! Rudy brought home pizza for dinner and then I forced myself to go to the grocery store. Our cupboards were bare!

Today (7/8) was a pretty cool day for me. It was my first official day back on the SLP team at Rogers. They had an inservice day to earn the hours to be off one day in the fall. They graciously invited me to join them. It was so wonderful to see all of the girls that are still there and to meet some of the new ones who have joined the team. I know this job won't be perfect (none of them ever are), but I am looking so forward to the camaraderie that this group shares.

Stacy graciously agreed to watch Caleb for me today while I was at the meeting and Rudy was at camp. She said that he was a good boy for her and even enjoyed going to Chick-Fil-A with them. Caleb loves his Chickie Fries!

Caleb and I are leaving tomorrow morning for Sherwood and then on to Hot Springs. We're looking forward to the time with family.

Potty Training Update: Lots of people have e-mailed to ask how the potty training is going. Well...it was going great until we went on vacation. Because we were on the go so much while we were gone, we had to resort to using pull-ups a lot more than we usually do. Caleb honestly has no idea that there's any difference between a pull-up and a diaper, so he just uses them freely. That set us back what seems like lightyears. I have been really discouraged the past couple of days with the number of accidents that he's having. He always tells me that he went - right after he goes. He's pretty fond of saying things like, "Sha Sha pee pee on the chair" and "Sha Sha pee pee on the floor." So - he knows he's going - he just doesn't seem to know before he goes! Or...maybe he doesn't care. I don't know. I can't figure it out. He loves to go in the potty and loves everything about the potty. He just won't make that transition to telling me the he has to go BEFORE he wets all over himself and everything under him. I'm going to do my absolute best to keep him in the usual routine while we're in Sherwood and Hot Springs. It's a good thing Mom and Mr. L. have concrete floors. :)