I've officially reached max capacity. I cannot possibly take one more thing. You know that old saying about how God won't give you more than you can handle? Well, apparently, he trusts me a lot more than I trust myself. I'm done. Kaput. Overloaded.
If you've been reading this blog for even a week, you know that Nola has now had an ear infection for 3 weeks. She has had 2 rounds of oral antibiotics and 2 of 3 injections of antibiotic and is about to start another round of oral antibiotic tomorrow. She's 3 months old for crying out loud.
To top that off, I woke up on Tuesday morning running a low-grade fever. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal, but when you have fibromyalgia, a low-grade fever can sometimes feel worse than a high fever. It aches like nothing I've ever experienced. So, I called in sick to work on Tuesday. Keep in mind that I just returned from maternity leave and, therefore, have no more sick days left at work. No work = no pay from this point forward. (actually that has been the case since about the 2nd day of my maternity leave since I didn't have any sick days built up going into it) I slept and slept and slept, feeling awful and avoiding being awake while feeling that way until after noon. When I finally managed to put my feet on the floor, I decided I needed to go see a doctor to keep from having to miss more than one day. I went to WellQuest, my favorite walk-in clinic, because it is usually cleaner, more peaceful and a little quicker than Mercy. The kind lady at the desk told me they were running a 4 hour wait - despite the fact that there were only 3 people in the waiting room. She went so far as to call Mercy for me and told me that they were on a 1 hour wait. I got in the car, stopped for a semi-healthy lunch to go and went to Mercy's convenient care. One hour of wait-time turned into an office visit that lasted 3 hours. The nurse practitioner was kind and told me that I have an ear infection (you're kidding, right?!? nope.) and tonsillitis (did she see on my chart that I'm 33?). I was swabbed for strep (Gag.) and had blood drawn for mono (Again...I'm 33!), but THANKFULLY, both tests came back negative. Off I went to get my prescription for amoxicillin (Really...I'm 33. I have ID and laugh lines to prove it.) The nurse practitioner smiled sympathetically as she told me to try to get some rest. Yeah...right.
Fortunately for me, I have Rudy. He realized how crummy I was feeling and swooped in with his SuperDad cape on. He played with Caleb, they went to WalMart to get his car's oil changed, they had dinner at McDonald's and then he bathed him and got him ready for bed. (Side note: I overheard a conversation about 2 cute girls in the Robins class at Caleb's school named Sophia and Sidney. Apparently, Caleb is smitten with them both and they play "family" at school, where Sophia and Jayden are the parents and Caleb and Sidney are the kids. I can't tell you how glad I am that Caleb is one of the kids in that scenario!)
I did the math. 37% of the ears in our house are currently infected. 50% of the ears in our house have tubes. Of the ears in our house that don't have tubes, a whopping 75% are infected. In the past month, we have spent $175 dollars on doctor visits and $100 on an ER visit in addition to the $40 we have spent on antibiotics. Now, math is not my strength, but even I can tell you those numbers are enough to push a sane woman over the edge.
I went back to work this morning. Wednesdays are my paperwork and meeting days. I don't do any therapy at all. Thank goodness, because I didn't have the strength or energy to keep up with the kiddos today. I barely had what it took to do paperwork and have 2 meetings. I left to get some soup for lunch and I think I took a nap in the car at a redlight. Either that, or I took an extra-long blink.
Rudy called at 2:15 to tell me that the daycare had called him to come pick up Nola. Apparently, she woke up from her nap screaming, then spit up while screaming, causing her to suck some of the spit up into her airway, causing her to choke and sputter and sound like she was gasping for air. Rudy bolted out of his band rehearsal (leaving a few other directors in charge) and headed for Rogers. I offered to go get her, but he was already on the way, so he picked her up. I finished my day and came home as soon as I could. I was home by 3:30 and walked in to find Rudy holding a smiling baby girl. She was still wheezing, but not crying. She fell asleep shortly after that and has been asleep now for 2 hours. (a relief, but a concern at the same time)
This afternoon it was just too much. I reached my saturation point. I called in back-up. I wanted my Mom. She's been offering to come up and help and today, I called her to take her up on it. She's going to come up tomorrow morning and get Nola from daycare. She'll keep her at home tomorrow and Friday and go with me to her doctor appointment (3rd shot) tomorrow afternoon. Hallelujah and thank you, Mom.
Everyone told me that having 2 kids is infinitely harder than having one. Until I went back to work, I thought that either they were all crazy or I was handling it better than expected. Then I went back to work. It is hard. The daily grind is grueling and add to that the fact that Nola and I are sick - it is just too much. I'm not trying to start the stay-at-home vs working mom debate, but I will say that I was not this worn out and not this overloaded when I was on maternity leave. Most days, I was able to take care of Nola, run errands, keep the house straightened up, stay on top of the laundry and then be home and involved with Caleb and Rudy when they got home. Now, the laundry usually waits until the weekends, the errands are relegated to one a day or Saturdays, the house gets picked up at 9:00 at night and I have very little energy to be shared in the evening hours. Add to all of that a whole lot of drama at work that I'm not even going to talk about here and I am counting down the days until summer break. (20!!!) I'm hoping that the break will recharge my batteries and I'll get the benefit of being home with my kids and husband for a couple of months (June 9th - August 12th). Hopefully, when the bell rings again in August, I'll be ready for another round in the ring - but for now: It's just too much. I wonder if it's like this when Caleb and his friends are playing family. Somehow I doubt it.
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